For
the latest episode of 'Adventures in Depressing Food' I will be
reviewing a reduced-to-clear Asda 'Classic Roast Chicken with a Creamy
Garlic Sauce'. May god have mercy on my soul.
It's in a weird layered dish, so that parts of the meal microwave separately. Despite this, things that one would not commonly cook together are indeed being cooked together. It's abominable.
It's in a weird layered dish, so that parts of the meal microwave separately. Despite this, things that one would not commonly cook together are indeed being cooked together. It's abominable.
The mushroom looks like a turtle's penis. The spinach is either black, or in parts transparent like seaweed. The chicken is oddly striated like someone stepped on it with a ridged shoe.
The film I am watching immediately echos my sentiments on all-in-one microwave roast dinners: 'Just because we CAN do a thing, does not mean that we must'.I'm pretty sure I just bit a bone, which is alarming because at the time, I was eating a potato.
The chicken doesn't taste bad, but the consistency is odd. In parts is tough, and in parts it's very soft. It's kind of like eating a Creme Egg, but everything is meat. On the penis-mushroom...well I don't usually like the flavour of mushrooms, so I guess it is a good thing that this doesn't have any.
Sarah: Does the chicken have a sort of strange chalky quality when you bite into it? That always intrigues me about chicken in ready meals.
Claire: You should make it a Youtube thing. Just like these girls testing make-up and hair products, there would be you reviewing your dinners.
Sarah, yes it did. Almost like someone had stuck the whole thing together with a simple flour-and-water paste.
Sarah: I'd like to investigate about why all ready meal chicken tastes like that. Not sure if any supermarket retailer would consent to such an investigation though.
The ordeal is over. I am left with a cloying garlicky oil smear all around my tongue. I shall attempt to treat this with many, many cigarettes and rubbing alcohol. My final roundup...
Most egregious breach of false advertising regulations on package: 'Deliciously tender.'
Most alarming ingredient: The chicken (22% of the whole meal, listed as itself being only 98% chicken).
Level of terror created by viewing the dietary information: the creeping dread at the end of the original 'Wicker Man'
Overall score (on a scale from inedible to delicious): 4/10
Chris:
Chris, I'd rather be like this guy
You laugh, but this is pretty much my life.
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