Eighth Post: Pulled Pork Sandwiches

 Tonight on 'Adventures in Depressing Food for One' I will responding to the critics who complain smugly that I should try cooking. In order to meet their expectations I will be making some 'delicious' pulled pork sandwiches. Asda will be helping me in this endeavour.

'Great for Sharing'
Not likely, Asda. Not likely.

I have to say that the contents were rather less impressive than the box. Unfortunately my camera died during the photo, possibly out of self-preservation. Thus the photo is very poor quality and actually masks how disgusting it looks. The brownish patches were actually vivid orange like a Mini Cheddars packet. During decanting this substance stuck in the packet, but I chose to add it in case it was important for the flavour.

Imagine this but irradiated

In order to make this more enjoyable I have elected to rent a movie on BT Vision while cooking proceeds. I have chosen 'Only God Forgives'. I bought the soundtrack to this on vinyl when it came out, but haven't seen the film. I had assumed the badass song from the trailer would be on it, but it was not. It's one of my most regrettable impulse buys, but there's the potential that this pork will edge it out of the leaderboard.

I am not sure if I am following the plot correctly but it seems that Ryan Gosling's character has a form of clairvoyance which he can only use when he is passively watching a consenting woman masturbate. The Notebook this aint.

Just as we arrived at a scene where the villain was doing Karaoke, my kitchen timer finished. I was required to take the pork which had been cooking for 45 minutes, remove the liquid, shred it, add sauce and return it to the oven. Yes you heard me right, this 'pulled pork' requires pulling. That's not so much a packet of pulled pork so much as it is...pork.

Ostensibly.

It was strangely spongy. I tried a bit of it and the sauce before the last cooking bit and it was sweet, tender and pleasant.

I really don't want to eat just pork and bread so I have decided to take inspiration from a vegetarian cookbook. I imagine this would be really good with some seared peppers, but I am more taking inspiration from the fact that veggies substitute cheese in place of meat. I will substitute cheese in place of veg. The monterey jack represents panfried courgette and the emmental represents shredded beetroot.

With imagination, anything is possible!

I chose to use Tesco's Finest Oat & Barley Farmhouse bread, because I am a man of some discerning standards. The meat is pretty tasty for the first sandwich. By the second it has become a bit dull. By the third it is cloying. I am suffocating in meat. I retain some for breakfast.

The flavour is basically smokey molasses. I can't really attach any other description to it. It's too sweet, as most ready food is. Apparently they sampled the 'finest BBQ delights' of 'Dallas, Memphis and Kansas City'. I am disinclined to now visit these places.

The Roundup!

One-word film review: Anhedonic
Most surprising ingredient: Vodka! Vodka in the sauce. Who uses vodka as an ingredient in BBQ sauce? Bourbon, maybe but vodka...?
Best ingredient: Panfried Courgette
Rating: 8/10. Not really good enough to be worth the effort of all that pulling